Anger Management Tips for Parents

BEING a parent can test your patience to the maximum.

It is easy to get to boiling point, whether you have a pre-school child who makes you late by saying "no" to everything or a stroppy teen who goes against your every instruction.

The challenges of parenting plus the daily stress of juggling finances, of running a home or the workplace can mean parents may feel overwhelmed and frustrated.

Unaware of the strains they cause your kids end up being surprised and often distressed when what they see as a minor misdemeanour results in a big angry explosion from you.

All parents want to react patiently and sympathetically to their child and many turn to anger management strategies to keep strong responses under control.

If your battling with your kids, try these tips whenever you feel your temper starting to rise.

Recognise the Signs

Take time to assess just how wound up you are. Look for physical responses like tensing your muscles or sweating and feeling hot. There could also be mental responses like 'she deliberately makes me late', 'he doesn't respect me'.

Try These Relaxation Techniques

Counteract physical signs by letting your shoulders drop and shake out tension from your hands . Take a deep breath and being relaxing your muscles. Once you've done this, try to get your thoughts under control and challenge any you feel are over the top.

If you're still struggling, it can help to occupy your brain with something difficult to think about, such as counting backwards from 100 in 7's. Because you're focused on a difficult mental puzzle, you become diverted from focusing on the anger.

Try to think about the times when you're children have been well behaved and have done what was asked of them. Don't focus just on all the bad things that are going on at that point in time.

Ask yourself how much of your anger relates to things that are stressing you out that aren't related to your child's behavior. They're not responsible for worries about your job security, so try not to let your fears and frustrations spill over and spoil the relationship you have with your child.

For more information on anger management, have a look at my anger management website.

Indians Reveal Their Anger Management Secrets - Mandala Therapy

The Times of India ran an article this week about using mandala therapy to help manage anger. People seeking to manage their anger are asked to draw a picture within the mandala, which is a circle shape on paper.

According to the newspaper, this form of art therapy:

"...originates from the Sanskrit, meaning circle. The circle is your magic space in which there are no rules, in which you alone exist, in which your feelings swirl out in lines and colours. "

Participants are asked to draw an angry picture within the mandala (circle) then draw a happy one. Participants find they become more relaxed after venting their frustrations drawing the angry mandala.

Manju Mohinani says:

“You get lost with the colours and the movement of your hands and thus you express yourself clearly without even realising it. The best part is that when you do mandalas you are not thinking, you get so lost in the drawing. You don’t feel that you are working on yourself, its so easy and so much fun."

What you need to draw mandalas

The process is straightforward. All you need is sheet of plain paper and a box of crayons or coloured pencils, the kind kids use in school is fine.

It's important to remember mandalas are not an art, so you do not need to worry about how they look or whether you are doing them right or wrong. You don’t have to do anything really artistic, but you need to "feel" what you have drawn, so that you get the sense of relief when you have finished.

For more information, visit the Time of India article, Mandala Therapy: Anger management method.

How Do You Know if you have an Anger Management Problem

Do you think you have an anger management problem? If you think you do then you are probably right; rarely do people think they have a problem with their temper unless there's reason. Chances are someone around you has also mentioned the problem or symptoms of the problem, or you've already crossed the line and have lashed out verbally or physically. But if you're still not sure if you have an actual anger management problem or are just a bit emotional, consider a few things.

Control of anger

First, how likely are you to fly off the handle at what is really a minor incident or inconvenience? Dinner is five minutes late, traffic is just slightly backed up, or the phone rings when you're busy. For things like this, do you react inappropriately with anger and temper?

If so you have an anger management problem. Being angry at war and starving children is one thing, but being angry at dinner that's late or traffic is quite another. Minor irritations should cause minor reactions, not major fits of temper. And of course if you get angry like this all the time then you n doubt have an anger management problem. Anyone can have a bad day or be overly tired or have other reasons for losing their temper on occasion but when your anger flares over small things on a consistent basis then this is a problem. It can be difficult to be honest with yourself about the extent of your anger and temper tantrums and how often they occur but you can't get control of your anger management problem if you can't admit that it exists.

A good counselor

In any event, when it comes to an anger management problem it's always better to be safe than sorry and to seek help or counseling even if you only suspect you need it and aren't quite sure yet. A good counselor can give you an honest evaluation and also share some helpful pointers and tips that will help you keep your temper under control.

Don't Make Others Put Up With Your Anger Management Issues

Another consideration when it comes to an anger management problem is whether or not your temper is interfering with your personal relationships. You may have grown up in a home where everyone had a temper problem and so anger doesn't bother you or frighten you as much as the next person but if your spouse or children or coworkers or anyone else has suffered from an outburst of yours then there is cause for concern.

You might downplay the damage that's done because your spouse hasn't left you or because you don't have a police record, but this doesn't mean your temper is harmless!

No one should be forced to put up with someone else's anger management problemand remember that mental and verbal abuse is often just as damaging as physical abuse, especially in the case of children. You may very well have an anger management problem that just hasn't caught up with you yet.